In Arizona, as in other states, the general standard for determining what will happen with children is “the best interests of the child.” This is to say that the Court must determine what is best for the child when issuing orders regarding parenting time or legal decision-making.
Most parents are aware of this basic concept. Indeed, almost every client I have interacted with that has a child issue in their case repeatedly tells me something along the lines of, “I don’t care what happens to me or my ex, I just want what’s best for my kids.” The problem is that, from my perspective, this statement is rarely true.
Divorces or relationship breakups very frequently become high-conflict situations. Usually one parent knows all or a large number of intimate secrets about the other parent. When the relationship goes bad, the parents use that knowledge against each other to do everything they can to inflict psychological damage. The result is intense pain and frustration.
Out of that hurt comes a natural desire to lash back at the other person. That in turn becomes a desire to stop the other parent from seeing his or her children. In the minds of the parents, the other parent is so twisted, insane, or simply evil, that any exposure of the children to that person will cause irreparable injury to the minds of the children.
While there are situations when this can be true (including situations when there is legitimate sex abuse, domestic violence, uncontrolled drug use, or something similar), the fear is typically unrealistic. In fact, being able to see the other parent will probably have a positive influence on the child, and research supports this point. So when considering the question “what’s best for my kids?”, consider that a friendly and positive relationship with your ex is probably best for your kids.