An old Taoist parable:
There once was a man who owned a farm. He had one son and a horse.
One day, the horse ran away into the wilderness. The man’s neighbor came over and said, “Oh, what horrible fortune it is that your horse ran away. This is a great loss. I am so sorry.”
The next day, the horse returned and brought with it two other beautiful horses. All three horses went directly into the man’s stable. The neighbor once again came over and spoke with the farm owner. “Oh what great fortune it is that your horse ran away, for now you have gained two free horses!”
The next day, the man’s son was riding one of the wild horses. The horse threw the son off and the boy broke his leg. The neighbor came over and said, “Oh what terrible fortune it is that your horse ran away, for it brought those horses that caused your son’s leg to be broken.”
The next day, war was declared. By Imperial decree, all able-bodied children in the kingdom were to report to the front-lines. However, because the man’s son had broken his leg, he did not have to go off to war. “Oh what great fortune it is that your horse ran away,” cried the neighbor, “for now your son will not have to go to war and perish.”
Divorce often feels like the end of everything, and in the midst of it, it is hard to see it as anything other than painful. But when the pain dulls, you can begin to look at the lessons that come from your injury.
The parable above illustrates that even in the midst of something that may feel tragic, tomorrow may reveal something good that comes from the same event. Life just is. How we interpret it is up to us. We can choose to allow circumstances to destroy us or we can derive lessons from the things that bring us pain. If we choose to derive lessons from painful events, we can grow and become stronger. That strength alone makes the pain valuable.
While you’re going through trauma, you simply have to get through it. But when you are once again functional, choose not to dwell in your pain. Instead, choose to examine the experience for the lessons that came from it. If you can do that, something better will be around the corner.